Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
