porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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