Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
