i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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