question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
