Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
