There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
