Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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