You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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