I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
