Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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