Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
