remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
