Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
