I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
