Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
