i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
