Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize