I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
