I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
