Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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