Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
