What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
