You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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