I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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