Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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