I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
