I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
