I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
