I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
