My liver just broke up with me...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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