It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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