do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
