so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You made out with two different species that night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
