the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize