you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
