You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
