Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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