Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
