i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
