2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
