i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
