Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize