apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
