I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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