just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
