My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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