I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
