I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I did not marry a roomba.
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