The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
