Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
