She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
