WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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