Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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