they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
