So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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