our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
