I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
