My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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