i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
