i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
