airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
