I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
