I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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