the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
