Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I would fuck him just for his dog
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