All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
