I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
