so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
