I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
