The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize