I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
