i can't believe i had my finger in that
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
