I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she told me i tasted like america
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
