Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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