Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
